Doubt
by Bavaria78
Summary: A few words spoken out carelessly cause Jack to doubt himself and his role on the team and his friendship with MacGyver. Jack whump. I don't own any of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

AN:

I am honoured to be a part of this great family. I literally found a home here at FanFiction, while I was struggling with a lot of things last year. I just want to say thanks to all the great people, who are so supportive. Thanks to Sniper17, your words mean a lot to me.

So enough goo, let's get back to business. This is an altenative ending to 2.3. It takes up when the Phoenix team is on their flight home from Azerbaijan after defeating the Red Fist. If you are a big fan of Samantha you won't like the story very much. Would be great if you leave me a few words.

Chapter 1

„_Twilight_! Absolutely," Riley stated.

„You just say that, because you think Robert Pattinson is cute. That's by far not the best film of the decade." Bozer denied. „It's _The Hunger Games_ no doubt about that."

„I have no idea, what you're talking about," Jack shook his head, joining their discussion about the best film of the new century.

„That's probably because you're stuck in the nineties with Bruce Willis," Mac teased.

„Hey, nothing wrong with Bruce Willis. He's a true action hero," Jack shot back. He looked out the window to hide his hurt look. He knew he shouldn't be offended, but he was. The Delta stood up and his knees as well as his back popped loudly.

„Yeah, I'm betting Bruces joints are making the same noises, because he's as old as you are." Riley added her two cents.

„Hey have you heard about his new film _Havoc at the old folks home_?" Bozer guffawed about his own joke and the others joined him, well apart from Jack.

„I'm grabbing a few winks," the Delta growled and moved to the back of the plane, where he sat down heavily. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but he couldn't block out the teasing of his team, that went on for a bit, before they changed to another topic.

Sure this was their usual banter, but right now Jack couldn't handle it. He was too upset about Samanthas words at the hotel suite, while Jack tried to get a good picture for the contact lenses Bozer needed to make.

_The crazy uncle nobody wants at the family gathering …_ Bozer had readily agreed, that had hurt, but what had hit Jack even harder was Macs reaction. He said nothing, didn't defend Jack or ask Sam not to talk shit about him. Obviously they didn't care that Jack could hear the whole exchange, because their coms were still open.

They were always teasing each other, sometimes playing a little with their weaknesses. Their job was so dangerous and stressful most of the time, they all needed this little outlet to ease the tension. But it was born out of trust, sympathy and the experiences they had shared. No one should feel hurt or humiliated, they were avoiding certain topics and if it happened that somebody crossed that line, there was always one to jump in and stop it before it got out of hand. Why not today?

Jack was tired, he had a headache and his body hurt all over. The Delta was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He felt Mac sit down beside him. „Are you ok big guy?"

Was he ok? Hell no. Jack felt insecure, confused and he couldn't think clearly. „Yeah, I'm good," he mumbled.

„You took some pretty hard hits today." Mac said quietly. The blond didn't like the tenseness that was radiating from Jack. He looked like he was in pain.

„So did you," Jack retorted, but couldn't help himself to observe his partner. „Are you ok? Something I should know about?" As disappointed as he was in Macs reaction, the blonds wellbeing was still Jacks number one priority.

Mac held up his hands and smiled. „Just a few bruises. Makes for a nice change to finish a mission without bleeding all over the place." He motioned to the front of the plane, where Samantha was sitting. „Our Aussie did a great job. She's really an asset to our team."

Jack didn't know what to answer to that. „Look Mac, I'm beat. I just wanna sleep, ok?" He ended the conversation, closed his eyes and leaned to the other side.

„Yeah, sure. I'm gonna let you rest." Mac stood up and walked back to the others.

„Is he ok?" Riley wanted to know. It was unusual for Jack to distance himself from the rest of the team especially after a successful mission.

„I think so, he's just tired." Mac answered evasive, not sure what was going on with Jack, but not willing to share his concern just yet.

„Well no wonder, he's not twenty anymore." Cage took another dig at Jack.

„Cage, that's enough." Mac warned her quietly. Sam shrugged and grabbed a magazine.

The rest of the flight was quiet. Most of them were sleeping. Jack dozed on and off, but he was still too tense to get some decent rest.

Debfrief was done quickly as the mission was a success. The team was in a good mood when they left the Phoenix. They agreed to meet at Macs place for pizza and beer. Jack was driving Mac home. It was a silent ride, Jack was lost in thoughts and Mac didn't want to push his friend. The Delta pulled into the driveway, but made no move to leave the car.

Mac had enough. „Jack, what's wrong? You were pretty quiet while debrief and on our way back here you didn't say a word."

Jack smiled „nothing's wrong hoss. I'm just tired." Mac nodded, not really convinced. „Yeah, me too." The Delta looked indeed exhausted, but there was something else bothering him.

„Well, you can crash here tonight if you want," he offered and left the car. When Jack didn't move, the blond leaned back in and said with a grin. „Come on old man, shake a leg, the beer's getting warm." Mac tried to lighten the mood.

„Nah, think I'm gonna head home and hit my own mattress, see you tomorrow at work Mac." He didn't wait for Macs answer and started the engine. The blond was surprised, but it wasn't the first time, that Jack wanted to be alone after a mission. He waved goodbye and headed to his door.

Soon after him the others arrived. They sat around the firepit and had a good time.

Jack was driving home, but he was distracted. Was he imagining things or had the teasing about his age increased since Cage joined the team? The sound of a horn pulled him back to the presence and he avoided a head on collison with another car at the last second. Shaken Jack pulled over into the next parking lot and killed the engine. He leaned his head on the steering wheel and tried to get his breathing back under control. „Damn, I'm messed up," he swore. After a while he had calmed down somewhat. What he really needed right now was a stiff drink.

Jack turned his phone off, left the car and looked around. There were a few bars along the road, but they were all too fancy for Jacks liking. He walked for an hour until he reached the part of the town, where the buildings had seen better days. Jack stopped at a bar that looked as run down as he felt right now. He entered and sat down at the bar, ordering whiskey. The first one went down in one go, as did the second. After that he slowed down, savouring the taste and enjoying the warmth that was spreading in his body. It chased away the cold emptyness he had felt since he had heard Cage analyze his family.

_The crazy uncle nobody wants at the family gathering …_ was it true? Didn't they want him around as much as they used to? Jack couldn't deny that they were working well with Cage. When Matty had pulled Jack from Rileys first solo op Mac and Cage had finished the mission successfully. He knew he was wrong in not trusting Riley enough to manage on her own, but he had been so afraid for his girl.

Mac went back into the house and grabbed another beer for himself. When he stepped back out he heard Cage speaking.

„…he change his cover story? That was stupid."

Mac immediately got angry. „Jack's not stupid. He's an expert at undercover work. He realized immediately, that Ernie Bung wouldn't have had a chance in joining the VIPs at the poker table. So he came up with the Beef Jerky King and it worked, nobody doubted him until the security lady appeared."

Sam held up her hand. „Whoa Mac, I get it. He's your best friend, but he's also volatile and that's dangerous. That's all I'm saying."

„I'm too, it's how we work. We have to face unpredictable situations every day. We adjust, improvise and get the job done." Mac felt the need to defend himself and his partner.

„I needed time myself to get used to their MO, but it's working great." Matty spoke up.

„You mean talking crazy? That's definitely a new method." Cage answered sarcastically.

„Stop it! Now! I won't stand by and let you talk shit behind Jacks back. I should have stopped you back at the hotel, when you said he is the crazy uncle that nobody wants around at the family gathering. That was mean and uncalled for." Mac said annoyed.

Bozer looked down ashamed. „You're right Mac. I felt bad as soon as I had agreed to Cages statement."

Cage raised an eyebrow. „Self-contempt, interesting."

Mac didn't like how the evening had turned out and he had to put an end to it. „Stop analyzing us Cage. We're not your random suspects. We are a family, we care about each other and if you ever want to be a part of that family you will have to change your approach. I think we all hurt Jacks feelings on the flight back and that is the real reason, he's not here. We literally ganged up on him. I feel bad about it, because he's like a brother to me. He's looking out for all of us and keeping us safe. And what did we do? We made fun of him." Mac ran a hand through his hair and sighed. „I think it's better we call it a night now." The blond stood up and walked into the house, that was the clue for the others to leave.

They silently sat around the fire pit for a moment longer, digesting Macs words. Riley was clearly as upset as Mac. Bozer looked guilty, while Mattys and Cages expressions were unreadable.

Jack swirled the golden liquid around in his glas. His thoughts were going round like the whiskey. His kids didn't need him anymore. They had somebody else now who fit better in the team. Young and fresh as they were and capable of handling the bad guys. Samantha was good at fighting and a decent shot, add to that her profiling and interrogating skills and Jack became redundant. It may have sounded as if he was jealous, but that was not true. The Delta felt that the dynamic in the team had shifted and he was wondering if there was still a place where he fit in.

He downed another glass and tried to reassure himself. Mac was his friend, he would never do this to him. But Mac was also the kindest person he knew, he wouldn't tell Jack outright, that he didn't need him anymore. Jack was not stupid, he was well aware of his age and the fact that he would have to pull out of the field sooner than Mac. Had he reached this point already? No, he decided. He hurt all over, no shit, but he was still in excellent shape. The Delta was working hard for it. But did the others look at it the same way? If they hadn't faith in his ability to keep them safe out there, it didn't matter anyway.

The problem was that Jack didn't trust Samantha. Sure she had helped them on their missions so far, but what was driving her? She didn't reveal anything personal and kept them in the dark about her past. That alone let Jacks alarm bells ring. The betrayal of Nicki and Thornton was still too fresh on his mind. But the thing that disturbed Jack most about Cage was the fact that she didn't seem to make an effort to really know them better. She kept her distance. For Jack it felt like she was gathering intel about his family and that didn't sit right with him. The only consolation he had was that Matty wouldn't let another mole undermine their organization.

So, what should he do? Was the constant teasing about his age a hint that they didn't want him around anymore? The thought that he couldn't work with Mac any longer was killing him. He had sworn that he would never leave his friend and Mac seemed to be happy about it. But lately Jack wasn't so sure about it anymore. Their fight at the cafe in Paris popped into his mind. Mac didn't want him to be there and it was the first time, he had outright told Jack so. The hurt he had felt was still fresh on his mind and the guilt that weighed on Jack, when Murdoc had kidnapped Mac. What a mess! What should he do? Jack downed another whiskey and glanced at his watch. Three o'clock, he had been at the bar for five hours. Time to head home when he wanted to get some sleep.

Jack left the bar and started walking down the street. He swayed a bit but managed to keep his footing. The crisp air felt good and eased his headache a bit. A car turned into the street and the driver was obviously drunk or drugged, because he couldn't drive in a straight line and he was going way too fast. Jack didn't see it as it was coming from behind. Suddenly the driver lost control and the car shot onto the pavement. Jack sensed that something was wrong but he had only time to turn around before he was hit. The Delta felt a sharp pain in his knee and then his right side exploded with agony as he crashed into the windshield. His body was thrown over the car and landed in a heap on the pavement. The driver didn't care obviously, because he didn't even slow down. He took the next corner at high speed and was gone.

Several minutes had passed and Jack hadn't stirred. A group of juveniles appeared on the street and spotted him. They looked around, but there was no one else on the street. One of them bent down and started going through Jack pockets.

Pain, everywhere. Jack couldn't even locate where he was hurting the most. Forcing his eyes open, he thought his head might explode. Moaning he tried to focus. There was somebody in front of him, touching him. „Mac?" Jack forced out and reached out a shaking hand, but was met with a boot to his face that sent him back into oblivion.

Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

AN:

I'm blown away by all the positive reactions. Thanks for the reviews and for jumping in and favouriting the story after only one chapter. I hope, I won't disappoint you. So enjoy and maybe leave me few words if you like it. You probably know it by now, no medic, no native speaker, so sorry for the mistakes.

Chapter 2

Mac had spent a restless night. His mind was replaying the events after their mission. The fight with Cage had fortified his need to make things right with Jack. Mac was on his favourite running trail when the sun was coming up. Something was bothering Jack, but Mac was not sure exactly what it was. His friend was still struggling with episodes of PTSD. They were jumping Jack out of the blue sometimes, he broke down or was lost in a panic attack. On other occasions the Delta slipped into a slight depression, but he was a master at hiding it. Mac stopped and turned around. He had made up his mind. He would buy a box of Jacks favourite donuts and have a talk with him before heading to the Phoenix.

Mac stopped at Jacks apartment, but was disappointed to see that his partners GTO was already gone. It didn't matter, he would talk to Jack at work then.

When the blond entered the war room Matty, Riley, Bozer and Cage were already there. „Where's Jack?" Mac asked immediately. Bozer raised an eyebrow. „You left me a note, that you would pick him up Mac."

„I know, I was at his apartment, but his car was gone so I assumed he got an early start." The blond explained and a feeling of dread settled over him.

„I didn't see his GTO at the Phoenix parking lot," Riley stated and grabbed her rig. „I'm gonna locate his phone." Her fingers were flying over the keyboard. „Dammit," she cursed a moment later. „His phone is off."

„Check the traffic cams. Let's see if he got home last night," Matty ordered.

Mac started to pace the war room nervously. It wouldn't be the first time one of them was kidnapped. They had made too many enemies over the years. Please, don't let it be Murdoc, he silently pleaded.

„The cams near his house don't show anything. I'm gonna track him from Macs house last night. Got him. He left your place about nine o'clock." Riley had put the replay on the big screen. The team was watching Jacks journey. They were startled by the Deltas near miss.

„Something's wrong with him," Mac stated the obvious. Relieved he saw that Jack stopped his car soon after the incident. They couldn't see what was going on inside Jacks car. It was grating on Macs nerves. Several minutes went by until the door opened and a very pale Jack leaned against the GTO.

The Delta left the parking lot by foot and started walking away. „Where is he going?" Bozer wondered. Nobody answered, they just watched as Riley moved the images from one traffic cam to the other to follow Jacks path. She forwarded the tape until the Delta disappeared in a bar in one of the worst parts of the town.

„I know, what happened. He took the bar apart and landed himself in prison," Riley surmised.

Mac remained silent. He knew that was a possibility, considering Jacks strange behaviour. Riley forwarded the recording until the Delta appeared again.

He was swaying slightly. „He's drunk." Bozer spoke out the obvious.

„What did you expect? He was in there for five hours." Matty said dryly.

„Maybe he grabbed an Uber and is at home nursing one hell of a hangover," Riley speculated.

„I don't think so, I've already tried to reach him via landline." Mac disagreed. They concentrated back on the screen. A car appeared on the street and skidded along the tarmac. Suddenly it swerved and they watched with horror when their friend was hit. Jacks body was thrown into the windshield, over the top of the car and landed in a heap on the pavement. The Delta was not moving and Mac had to close his eyes for a moment, before he forced them open again. He was terrified he might just have witnessed his best friends death. Distantly he heard Rileys cry of distress and a shocked „Oh my god!" from Bozer.

Macs glance was fixated on the screen. „He's not stopping." Cages face was a mask. „What an asshole. Hitting a man and hightailing it out of there."

„C.. can you zoom in Riley?" Mac asked the hacker in a shaky voice and Riley complied. Jacks crumpled form filled the screen. The blond searched for an indication that his partner was still alive. Blood was running down Jacks face, a stark contrast to his pale complexion. „Move Jack … open your eyes … show me you're still here .." Mac whispered pleas were unheard by the Delta.

Suddenly a group of young people appeared. „At least somebody is there to help him now." Matty breathed relieved. Seeing Jack go down so hard and nobody there to take care of him, was really hard on her.

„What? No, no, no, no … you have to help him! Call an ambulance," Mac stuttered out.

It was a nightmare. One of the juveniles was going through Jacks pockets, he grabbed his purse and continued searching for something valuable. Jack stirred, his eyes opened, glance unseeing, a shaking hand reaching out for help. The Deltas lips moved, the recording was muted but the blond could make out what Jack was saying. MAC! It broke Macs heart seeing his friend asking for his help and he was not there for him. The blond flinched back when the kid hit Jacks face with his boot and knocked him out. The others were laughing and the group left, not caring that there was an injured man lying in a puddle of blood.

„My God no," Riley was crying now. Mac found himself on the floor, he had no idea when his legs had given out. Another car appeared on the scene. Nobody said a word, fear was paralyzing them. Two women jumped out of the car and rushed to Jacks side. One pulled her phone out, while the other tended to Jack. A small relief washed over Mac. At least now he got help.

An ambulance appeared on the screen. „Riley find out where they took him," Matty was back in boss mode, only a slight tremor in her voice proof of her distress at the sight of her injured agent.

„They brought him to Good Sam." Riley reported. Mac didn't wait to watch the footage further. He was already running out of the room, followed by his team mates.

After confirming Jacks ID the team was sent to the waiting room. The doctors didn't provide much information, only that Jack had suffered internal bleeding and was still in surgery. The blond had to fight to remain upright after such devastating news. He looked at his watch, it had been over six hours since the accident. Why was Jack still in surgery? It must really be bad. Mac took a seat away from the others. He simply wasn't up to conversation right now. The guilt he felt was sheer overwhelming. He had known something was going on with Jack. Why hadn't he pressed him harder? Why had he let him drive away last night? A shudder ran down Macs spine as he recalled Jack almost crashing his GTO. The Delta was an excellent driver. He managed to drive and shoot at the bad guys or prevent Mac from falling out the window at the same time. How messed up did he have to be to make such a mistake? Pretty bad was the answer. Mac remembered how pale and shaken his partner looked after he left his car.

„Oh Jack," the blond mumbled „what is going on with you buddy? Just hang on bro, we'll figure it out."

Cage came over and sat down beside Mac. „Not now, Cage." The blond pressed out before Samantha even started talking. She nodded. „I just want to say, I'm sorry about everything what happened yesterday."

„I think I'm not the one you should apologize to," Mac said softly. Cage sighed. „I know. I hope he pulls through."

„Me too," came a curt answer from Mac and Samantha took the hint and went back to the others.

It felt like an eternity until a doctor came in and asked. „Family of Jack Dalton?" Mac rushed over to him and said. „I'm listed as his next of kin." The physician nodded and looked at the others who had stood up too. „We are all family," the blond explained. The door opened again and Doc Ward, the head of Phoenix Medical walked in. He nodded a greeting, but remained silent. Mac shot Matty a grateful look for bringing their trusted physician in.

„Mr. Dalton suffered a severe concussion, a broken nose as well as three broken ribs, one of them caused the internal bleeding. We were able to repair the damage, but it was touch and go for a while, because his blood pressure bottomed out. He has severe bruising on the right side of his body, where most of the impact of the car must have happened. His right knee is also badly bruised, but there seems to be no further damage. He should be alright with a lot of rest and some PT for his knee." The doctor explained.

„Can I see him?" Mac asked relieved. The doctor nodded. „Yes, but only one person, as he is still in ICU."

„Go ahead Mac," Doc Ward encouraged and turned to his colleague. He introduced himself and said. „I'd like to see the surgery report and then we can discuss when he's able to be transported to our own facility." Both physicians left the room.

ICU. Beeping monitors, wooshing oxygen, buzzing blood pressure cuffs and other noises unique to a place like that. Mac hated the fact, that he was so familiar with the sad sound. Proof a body was fighting for survival. An indication that death was only heartbeat away. A pained smile hushed over Macs features at the bad pun. Jack would love it. With a sigh the blond settled in the chair beside Jacks bed and started to watch his partner.

A row of stitches was visible just under his hairline. Mac winced at the broken nose, knowing from experience how painful it was. The right side of his face was swollen and bruised, as well as his right arm where it peeked out under the hospital gown. The Deltas knee was elevated and packed with ice, it was almost twice his normal size. Jack would be in a lot of pain when he came to. His partner sported a nasal canula and a few lines were going into his body. Mac looked up and spotted fluids, antibiotics and a blood bag. Another line was disappearing under the blanket in the direction of Jacks middle and Mac winced in sympathy. A catheter, neccessary but embarrassing nevertheless for the one lying in bed.

Mac carefully slipped his hand under Jacks right. He didn't want to touch the back of his partners hand as it was showing ugly road rash. The medical personal had put the IV in Jacks left hand and Mac didn't want to get tangled up in the lines, so this was the best option. He couldn't sqeeze Jacks hand, but the warm weight was reassuring that Jack would indeed be alright.

„You just need to wake up and talk to me bud and believe me we have a lot to discuss." Mac muttered.

Jacks hand started to twitch. „Jack, can you hear me bud? Come on open your eyes," the blond encouraged his friend and was rewarded when two brown eyes looked at him confused a moment later.

„Hey, there you are. You gave me quite a scare." Mac smiled and waited for Jack to acknowledge him. The Delta took in the room. „ICU? 's not Phoenix Med. Wha appn?" Jacks voice was weak and slurred.

„You got hit by a car, remember?" Mac didn't want to overwhelm Jack with too much information, so he waited patiently until his partner had processed the words.

Jack frowned, his head was hurting pretty bad and all over his body pains awoke simultaneously. He closed his eyes and moaned. „On a mission? I don even r'member in which country we are?" Trying to get his brain to work was not the best idea at the moment. Jack thought his head was going to burst and suddenly he went green. Mac saw the signs and had a bowl ready a moment later. Jack threw up several times, the noise of retching only interrupted by moans and whimpers.

The blond wished he could stop his partners suffering. Jack was in a world that only held pain and misery for him. He couldn't decide what hurt more, his head or his middle. Both areas were having a fiery competition, who could cause Jack more agony. When the heaving finally stopped he slumped back into the pillow totally spent. Everything had a fuzzy edge and he was dimly aware of someone taking away the offending bowl. A straw was gently inserted into his mouth and Jack could make out Macs voice. „Only a sip Jack, easy, you don't want to be sick again." The Delta carefully took a few sips and it felt great on his throat. The room lost its foggy appearance and Jack found Macs eyes, filled with concern.

Jacks face was a mask of pain so Mac reached out to push the call button. „I'll get someone to give you something for the pain."

„No, wait," Jack ordered and blinked to get his eyes to focus better. He rode out another wave of pain and pressed out what he remembered now.

„I was at a bar, wasn't I? I heard a car and then … pain," he broke off, but Mac nodded. „That about sums it up buddy. I thought you were going home." The blond remarked.

„Yeah, I … I changed my mind." Jack thought for a minute, the reason why he was at the bar coming back to him and he couldn't stand the situation any longer so he decided to confront Mac. „I understand Mac. I knew, we would reach this point somewhere along the way, but … I didn't think … why didn't you tell me outright?" Jack breath hitched and he tried to stay calm, but it was so hard not to lose his shit right now. He felt raw and vulnerable and wasn't able to hold back his emotions.

Mac looked at him confused. „Jack, what are you talking about? Explain it to me. I knew, something was bothering you yesterday, but I thought you were maybe struggling with PTSD again."

Jack closed his eyes to brace himself. A minute went by and Mac thought that Jack was asleep again, but then the Deltas glance sought the blonds. And what Mac saw there shocked him to the core. A deep sadness, but also resignation paired with acceptance.

„What is it Jack?" The blond urged his friend. He was scared. What could be so bad that Jack was strugggling so much to get it out.

„I understand that you don't want me to be on your team any longer. Cage is an asset, she's young and fresh and fits way better in the pack, than I ever could. It just hurt to find out the way I did." Jack lost the fight to stay calm. Tears were streaming down his face, damn meds. His heart rate shot up and his breathing got laboured. The heart monitor beeped in annoyance, but Jack didn't register it.

Mac was too shocked to answer at first. Jack took that as confirmation that his assumption was correct. „You better leave now Mac. I want to be alone, ok?" It was getting harder for Jack to stay conscious and he had nothing left to face this situation.

That last statement brought Mac out of his rigor. „What? Jack, no! How can you think I wouldn't want you on the team?"

The blaring of the alarms got louder and more urgent. Between gasps Jack managed to get the words out. „The crazy uncle that nobody wants around … you could at least have … have told me face to face Mac. It …" Jack broke off and fought for air. Mac was overwhelmed. He needed to talk sense into his partner, but more important was his health right now. „Calm down Jack. It's gonna…" But Jack had already passed out. „Jack! Come on buddy …"

The door openend and the doctor and a nurse rushed in. They took in the situation and banned Mac from the room to take care of Jack.

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

An:

I am so grateful for all the great responses to this story. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Mac stood outside the ICU room and watched with horror as the medical personnel tried to bring Jacks vitals within a normal range again. They replaced the nasal canula with a mask and the doc shone a light into Jacks eyes. The blond was shocked about what he had just heard. Jack thinking Mac didn't want him around anymore? The Delta couldn't be more wrong. He needed to talk to his brother, to reassure him that the older man meant the world to him. Sadly Mac understood where that came from. He had felt bad about all the teasing and now learning that the coms were still open and Jack had overheard Sams snark comment … well it was no wonder Jack was questioning his position in the team.

Mac started shaking. The thought that Jack had passed out in the belief they didn't want him around broke his heart. He had to talk to Jack as soon as possible and clear up the situation. The blond glanced through the window in the door again. He couldn't see clearly and only then registered that tears were streaming down his face. Mac blinked and saw the doctor listening to Jacks heart now, while the nurse injected something in the Deltas IV. His partner was still unconscious and way too pale for Macs liking.

„What's wrong?" Rileys concerned voice startled Mac and he hastily turned away and brushed the tears from his face.

„Mac? Are you ok bro?" Bozer had laid a hand on Macs shoulder and was concerned by the tremors he felt running through his friends body.

„Mac! Give us a sitrep!" Mattys boss voice brought the blond out of his stupor. „Is everything ok?" She added in a gentler tone.

Mac snorted. „Ok? Nothing is ok! Jack thinks, we don't want him around anymore." Angrily Mac brushed the damn tears, that wouldn't want to stop, away. He hated that his friends saw him in such a sorry state, feelings raw and no control over his body. The blond walked a few steps to a nearby chair and literally fell in it. Riley crouched before Mac while Bozer tried to figure out what was going on inside the ICU room. Cage stood in the background silently.

Gently Riley rubbed Macs knee. „Tell me what's going on Mac," she encouraged him. Worry made her look older than she was. The blond looked up and Riley felt her own tears forming at the misery that was pouring out of Mac.

„The coms were open, when Cage made her crazy-uncle-comment," he turned his glance towards Samantha. „That's not an accusation, I should have stepped in right there and then, but I didn't and that obviously led Jack to belief, that I share your opinion." The blond shrugged. „Well and with all that teasing on the flight back … I understand why he came to that conclusion." Mac looked at Cage again. „Jack may not seem very sensitive at first sight, but his feelings are running deep. And I know he always questions himself and his decisions, he just doesn't show it. I hurt him, badly. He wouldn't be lying in there if it weren't for me." Mac ended with so much pain in his voice it was hard to bear.

Matty spoke up. „No Mac, you're wrong. This isn't on you. I don't know exactly what happened on the flight back, but this is not your fault. You didn't drive that car and you didn't force Jack to go into that bar and get buzzed."

„Are you saying it's his own fault Matty? I can't believe it! He was depressed and devastated that his family didn't want him anymore. Can you blame him for seeking relief in alcohol?" Mac was so upset his breath hitched and his hands were shaking.

Bozer reached out to Mac and laid an arm around his shoulders. „It's not Jacks fault Mac. Nobody thinks that. This" he motioned to the room where Jack was treated „is on all of us. We are so used to making fun of him, I think we crossed a line some time ago. I realize now, that he is the target of all the teasing most of the time. We weren't aware of the fact, except for Jack. And then Cage came in and it got worse for him. No offense Sam," Bozer added and Cage raised an eyebrow.

„Don't you think you're interpreting to much into the situation?" The Aussie wanted to know.

Mac opened his mouth, but Riley beat him to it. „No, not at all. We've been through so much together. Missions gone south, life threatening situations, some of us being kidnapped, fighting drug cartels and serial killer. That brought us together closer than most of the people related by blood will ever be. I think you still don't get it how our little family works." The hacker didn't care if she sounded harsh.

Cage held up her hands in surrender and stepped a bit back. She didn't seem offended by Rileys words … she seemed … neutral, almost indifferent. That was the moment, when Mac realized that Samantha would never fit into their team. It made him sad, because he liked her, but he wouldn't risk loosing Jack over her. He had to talk to Matty about it, but that was a topic for another day. The only thing that mattered now was Jack.

Suddenly the door to Jacks room opened and the doctor and the nurse stepped out. The physician shot Mac an accusing look and the blond felt like he deserved it. Matty was the first to ask. „How is he?"

„Well, his vitals weren't good at all, but we managed to stabilize him." He looked at Mac and said. „You have to understand, that upsetting him endangers his life in his current state. He lost too much blood and his body suffered a severe trauma. We gave him a light sedative that helps him to rest. He will sleep through the night. If there are no further complications, he can be transferred to the Phoenix tomorrow afternoon. But I don't want anybody in this room as long as I am responsible for him. Once he is at your facility Doctor Ward will decide about his visitors." The physician stated in a stern voice.

Once he was gone Riley whispered. „Wow I feel like five years old now." Matty nodded, a grim expression on her face. „I can't wait for Jack to be back at Phoenix Medical, where people are taking care of him, who understand how badly they need each other."

„No, the doc is right. Jack got upset because of me and passed out before I could convince him that he got it all wrong." Mac uttered brokenly. „I'm gonna stay outside his room, you go home. There's nothing you can do here."

The others exchanged worried glances, but nobody dared to talk Mac out of his decision. Riley and Bozer gave Mac a quick hug and left with Matty and Cage. Mac was alone in the hall. It was getting late and the usual bustle of a hospital decreased. The blond stood frozen outside Jacks room and watched his partner sleeping. It tore at his heart, that he didn't have the chance to clear things up with Jack. The worst thing was, in hindsight he could perfectly understand why Jack came to his conclusion. Mac often retreated into his mind, when he was questioning himself or his decisions. Every word one of his teammates uttered, every action one of them took, it all gained weight especially the negative things. It was easy to get lost in the darkness that came with it. Maybe it was because of all the bad things they had seen and done. You couldn't shake all of that off and not be affected.

Mac started pacing the floor. It grated on his nerves not to be able to do anything for his partner. To be so near Jack and though so far away was really hard on the blond. As the night went on Mac found he couldn't even sit down. Too lose sight of his brother stressed the blond out even more, so he stood frozen on the spot before the window. At least he could observe Jacks vitals, which were thankfully pretty stable. The Delta had started to move around a bit, rolling his head from side to side with a pained expression on his face. He couldn't be in pain, because a nurse had been in shortly and gave him another dose of drugs. Mac closed his eyes as the realization hit him. Jack had a nightmare and Mac had no way to help him. The blond watched for a moment longer and made up his mind. He knew he wasn't allowed in there, but his partner needed him and he would rather have a doctor being pissed at him as watching Jack struggle through a nightmare.

Determined he entered the room and stepped towards his friend. Mac laid his hand on Jacks shoulder lightly and began to mumble. „Easy big guy, you're having a nightmare. It's ok, you're safe. Calm down brother." It was almost a mantra, the words spoken so often they became second nature. Their nightmares usually a mix of bad memories, near misses and what-if-scenarios come true. Jack was mumbling, his words almost incoherent, only an occasional NO or DON'T spoken clear enough to be understood. Mac continued his ministrations, stroking the uninjured side of Jacks face and uttering soothing words. After a while Jack calmed down again and slipped into a restful sleep again. Mac breathed a sigh of relief and turned to leave the room before he got caught. He froze, when he saw the nurse standing at the open door watching him.

„I … I'm sorry … he had a nightmare … I know I shouldn't be here…" Mac stumbled over the words.

„It's ok. My husband is a veteran. He still suffers from flashbacks and I know how badly he needs someone to pull him out of his dreams. You've done it not for the first time, I guess?" She asked softly.

„No, but more often it is Jack who's bringing me back from a nightmare." Mac admitted. „You have to understand, he's my best friend and the reason he got so upset is just a big misunderstanding, but he passed out before I could really talk to him." The blond explained and the nurse nodded compassionately. „You can stay with him for a while, but if he shows signs of waking up I have to ask you to leave the room, ok? We don't want a repititon of that episode, do we?"

„No, definitely not. You let me stay, really? But I don't want you to get into trouble because of me." Mac didn't want to take advantage of the friendly nurse.

„The doctor is sleeping in the stand by room. We should be save for a few hours. And by the looks of you, you need to sit down badly. Spares me a busy time, if I don't have to take care of a collapsed visitor." She winked and turned to leave the room.

„Thank you so much nurse …." „Angela," she provided and smiled. „Your welcome …"

„MacGyver, just call me Mac." The blond answered. „Try to get some rest Mac."

Mac sat down beside Jacks bed and immediately reached out for his partners hand. Mac was bone-tired, but he didn't dare to sleep in case Jack woke up. Some of the tension left his body now that he was near his partner. He was determined to make things up to Jack. „It's gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok, I promise," he whispered, the words almost drowned out by the background noise of the room.

The sun was just rising when Angela walked in to check on Jack. She controlled every line, changed IVs, looked at the monitors and checked his wounds. „He's doing fine," she answered before Mac could ask. When she lifted Jacks legs and looked at his heels Mac asked confused. „What are you looking for?"

„I'm just making sure, he doesn't suffer from bedsores. Some patients are getting them pretty quick, but he's fine. Nothing to worry about." Angela reassured Mac.

A sad expression appeared on her face. „I'm sorry, but you have to leave the room now Mac. The doc is making his round soon."

Mac shot her a tired smile. „Thanks for letting me stay Angela. You didn't have to do that." The blond was stunned that somebody who didn't know them could be so kind and selfless. She was probably risking her job, by allowing him to spend the night at Jacks side.

„I think it was the best for both of you. You should go home and get some rest. He'll be moved this afternoon, maybe the doctors at your facility are a bit more compassionate than ours. You'll be no good to him if you collapse." She said with a kind voice.

Mac was amazed by her friendly attitude. „You're incredible. If you are ever looking for a job, I'm sure Phoenix Medical could use somebody like you."

Angela laughed. „Be careful, you haven't seen my Do-as-I-say-or-there-will-be-consequences-face yet."

„I'm not the best patient myself, and I'm sure who gets that look deserves it. I've never seen a nurse so gentle with him. He's a real strong, tough guy and … I don't know … it seems the nurses at our facility always baby me, while towards Jack their attitude is more casual. I mean we have great nurses, don't get me wrong, but I've never seen such kindness in them." Mac stated seriously.

Angela blushed. „Oh, wow … that's really nice of you. Maybe I give your offer some thought." She picked up the empty IV bag and left.

Please review! What do you think about Angela, should we hire her?


	4. Chapter 4

AN:

Thanks to the guest and everybody else who reviewed, favourited and followed this story. I don't deserve all the praise, but I'm gonna take it anyway. Thanks guys!

Chapter 4

Mac was standing once again outside Jacks room, watching as his partner slowly woke up. His hand twitched wanting to push open the door and rush to Jacks side. The need to address their problems that threatened to suffocate him. Mac had to be patient, but patience has never been his strong suit. He breathed deeply and focussed on Jacks face. His eyes were open now, glance wandering around the room. Searching for Mac? Or just making sure the blond wasn't there? And then their eyes met.

It was one of the strangest moments of their friendship. Jacks eyes were filled with sadness and doubt, but Mac thought he could also see a glimmer of hope. The blonds blue orbs radiated pain and at the same time determination to save their friendship. There was only a door between them, but it felt like a huge canyon had opened up there.

Jack felt like shit. His whole body ached and throbbed. The memories of the night before came quickly and he searched for Macs presence. Jacks heart sank further, when he noticed he was alone in the room. Then his glance fell on the little window in the door. And there he was. Mac stood there watching Jack intently. Why was he outside his room? Jack wonderd. Couldn't he even stand to be in the same room with him any longer? Why didn't he just leave then? Jack sighed. This was Mac. Of course he wouldn't leave before he was sure the Delta would be ok. The blond was always caring about his team. Maybe he felt guilty that Jack had witnessed their conversation in the hotel suite. Yeah, it would be totally Mac. But he shouldn't feel that way, it wasn't his fault. Jack closed his eyes again, he couldn't stand Macs pained look any longer.

The doctor appeared with Angela in tow. Mac earned a curt nod from him, before he entered the room. Jack opened his eyes, assuming his partner had worked up enough courage to talk to him. Disappointed he saw it was a doctor and a nurse.

The phsysician examined him and asked some questions to assess his neurological status. He informed Jack about his injuries and the surgery. „No, wonder I feel like I got run over by a freight train. When can I get out of here?"

„I spoke to your physician Doctor Ward and we agreed to transfer you to Phoenix Medical this afternoon." The doctor answered curtly.

Jack grumbled. „Can't I just go home instead?"

The doctor explained impatienly. „You had a serious accident yesterday and you almost died during surgery. You can't seriously expect to leave the hospital today!"

Jack didn't like the docs distant attitude, but decided to keep silent. The pysician said. „Nurse Angela will change the dressing and I will have a look at you before you leave." With that he was gone.

„He's as charming as a grizzly bear woken up in the middle of hibernation," Jack mumbled and was surprised by Angelas burst of laughter.

„You only know him for five minutes, but you described him to the point." The nurse smiled as she started to peel away the dressings. She immediately stopped when Jack hissed in pain. „It's stuck, I'm gonna soak it a bit, then it should be easier on you."

„Thanks," Jack breathed and gulped to keep his nausea at bay. His glance wandered again to his partner, who hadn't left his position. Angela said. „He's extremely worried about you."

Jack just nodded. He didn't want to discuss this situation with a nurse he didn't even know. But he had to admit Angela was nice and real careful with him. Jack was glad, he felt so drained and weak he appreciated her gentle care.

„So it's done." She stated and Jack looked down at his belly. He hadn't noticed the nurse had removed the bandage. There was a row of stitches, but at least it didn't look infected. Just another scar to add to his collection. No, that wasn't right. It wasn't just another scar. This particular one would always remind him of the night when his world was crumbling down. Jack closed his eyes, but a lone tear escaped anyway.

A soft thumb brushed it away. „Are you in pain? I can give you something and wait with rebandaging unti it kicks in," she offered.

Jack shook his head. „No, I'm good. You can continue."

„You should talk to Mac." Jacks eyes opened surprised at her statement. „There's no drug to help with the kind of pain you are in, you both are in right now." The nurse stated and continued tending to his wound.

„I know, but I can't deal with it at the moment. I .. I need some time to think things through. " Jack admitted. He had no idea why he was so open about his feelings. Must be the meds. Jack watched Mac who seemed to be frozen in place. The blond was awfully pale and had dark shadows under his eyes. „He looks like shit. Did he eat or drink anything? You have to know, he tends to neglect his body, when he's worried about somebody. Can you do me a favour and get him something to eat and drink?"

Angela smiled. „Yes, of course. I was getting worried about him too." She straightened.

„So, we're done. I'm gonna bring you some breakfast soon." At Jacks disgusted expression she had to laugh. „Don't worry, it won't bite you. Just some toast and juice, ok?"

Jack nodded. „Thank you Angela, for taking care of both of us."

„You're welcome Jack," She gathered her supplies and left the room. Mac turned to her. „How is he Angela?"

„He's hurting, emotionally and physically," the nurse said and added „but he's gonna be ok," when she saw Mac stricken look. Angela laid a hand on Macs arm. „He worries about you and he said he can't deal with his feelings right now. Jack's been through a lot. It's all too much for him at the moment. Give him time."

A short time later Angela was back with a tray she set down on a small table beside the chairs in the hall. Mac looked at her confused. „Jack asked me to make sure you eat something." She explained and walked away to return with another tray that held Jacks breakfast.

Mac stared at the food for a moment and shook his head. It was a typical Jack thing to do. Making sure the blond ate something, while he himself was the one who needed care. Mac hesitantly grabbed the sandwich and took a bite. He stepped to the window and held it up so Jack could see he was eating. Jack nodded with a small smile and began to nibble on his toast, but soon his nausea rose again and he pushed the tray away. Why wouldn't Mac come into his room? It hurt Jack, but why didn't the blond leave then? Thinking made his headache even worse, there was something that didn't add up. After another dose of pain meds Jack slipped back into sleep.

The Delta slept on and off most of the day. He was plagued with heavy bouts of nausea. Throwing up with broken ribs and a fresh abdominal wound was pure hell. Angela supported him through it and washed his face afterwards. Jack was extremely grateful for that. He missed Mac badly, especially when he was feeling so shitty. He dimly registered the nurse coming and checking on him, but he was still so tired he couldn't stay awake for more than a few minutes. Every time Jack woke up his glance wandered immediately to the door and Mac was there. Even if the blond didn't want to sit beside his bed, his sheer presence was reassuring.

It was a day worse than most of the tortures Mac had had to endure in his life. Standing outside that room and watching his best friend suffer almost pushed him over the edge. Jacks usually strong body wacked with heaving, slumping back after another episode of throwing up and not being able to do something to soothe his partner was pure hell on the blond. Mac had to wipe away the tears more than once.

The unfriendly doctor came and cleared Jack for transport. The Delta breathed relieved, although he had to admit he would miss Angela. A pair of EMTs walked in and put him on a gurney. Angela made sure his lines didn't get tangled up.

Jack reached out a hand. „Thank you so much. I wish we had somebody like you at Phoenix Medical. You are an angel."

Angela blushed and took his hand. „You just get better Jack and talk to Mac, promise?"

„I promise." They wheeled him out of the room and Mac was there.

„Ready to head over to Phoenix Medical?" The blond asked and Jack shrugged. „I'd rather go home."

Mac smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. „I bet, but you'll be stuck at Medical for a few more days, I guess." Mac studied him and asked hesitantly. „Do you mind if I ride with you in the ambulance?"

„No, not at all." The Delta answered. He knew he had to say his goodbye to his partner soon, but he would savour every minute he could spend with his brother.

The ride to Phoenix was silent. Jack watched his partner intently. Mac was pale, dark shadows under red rimmed eyes. Worry spiked in Jack. „You look like shit."

Mac looked down. He couldn't handle Jacks worry on top of the crushing guilt he felt. „I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Jack closed his eyes. He knew Mac didn't like fussing about him, but he had never seemed bothered by Jack being concerned about him. He realized it was time to let got of his kid and it felt like loosing a limb. The Delta felt drained and old. He knew it was partly because of his injuries, but there was a tiredness that ran deeper. A kind of exhaustion he wasn't sure he would overcome ever. Jack felt his constant headache getting worse. Thinking so much didn't really help the matter.

The medic was checking Jacks vitals repeatedly, which annoyed the Delta after the third time. „Will you stop this. I'm fine, you don't have to check on me every two minutes." He pushed the EMTs hands away angrily. Mac had to smile. This was typical Jack. Luckily they arrived at Medical soon.

Jack was brought into a regular room, but he was still stuck with a heart monitor. Doc Ward entered the room and examined him thoroughly. „The surgeons at Good Sam did a good job. You had massive internal bleeding Jack. You're lucky to be alive. It will take your body some time to make up the blood loss. Your knee is still pretty swollen, but it should go down in a few days. Are you still suffering from headaches?"

Jack nodded without offering a response. Maybe it would have been easier on everybody if he hadn't survived. He shook his head. No he wouldn't go down that road. He had to find a new purpose, that's for sure, but he wasn't a quitter. It would break his heart to leave Mac behind, but he had to accept it. Maybe he should sign up for another tour. His skills were still in high demand in Afghanistan and other unstable countries. Maybe he would be lucky and a sniper would put him out of his misery.

The transfer from the hospital had taken a toll on Jack and he had nothing left. His eyes closed and he was asleep in seconds.

Mac stood outside the room waiting for Doc Ward to return. „How is he Doc?"

The physician smiled. „He's still weak, but he has improved since I saw him yesterday. Don't worry Mac, he's gonna be ok. Why don't you go and sit with him?" Doc Ward was well aware of Macs and Jacks strong bond and although he could understand his colleagues decision to ban Mac from Jacks room, he knew they needed each other badly. There was something going on between them and the sooner they solved it the better.

„Are you sure? He got so upset yesterday and passed out, I don't want to get him worse again because of me." Mac wrought his hands, clearly nervous about the situation.

„He's better now. His vitals are stable and I'm sure he handles it better today. If anything comes up, just push the call button." Doc Ward smiled reassuringly and Mac entered the room.

Hesitantly the blond sat down beside Jacks bed. The Delta was still hooked up to an IV, but it was only one line going into his arm now. The lack of equipement typical for a regular room calmed Mac down a bit. If Jack didn't need so many machines around him, that meant he was indeed better. The nasal canula was gone too and Macs glance settled onto Jacks chest. It was rising and falling in a regular rhythm. Tears filled Macs eyes. „I was so scared to lose you big guy," he whispered. The blonds shoulders slumped, exhaustion getting the upper hand and his eyes closed in sleep.

Mac was walking aimlessly. He knew there was a purpose, but he couldn't remember what. At every turn he entered another long road. He was wandering for hours it felt. As he stepped around another corner he spotted a familiar shape in the distance. „Jack," he called out, but the other man didn't react. He just continued walking. Mac sped up his pace, when a car appeared suddenly and aimed directly at Jack. „Jack, watch out!" Mac screamed, but watched powerless when the car hit his partner. His body was thrown into the air and crashed down hard. The car was gone and the blond was running as fast as he could. He fell to his knees beside the Delta and carefully turned him over. „NO!" Macs cry was heartbroken, when he stared into the sightless eyes of Jack. His brother was dead. „No, please no. Wake up Jack. You can't be dead. No, no, no, no," he sobbed over and over again.

Jack woke up, because something was rattling his bed. Confused he tried to locate, what was the cause. Then he heard mumbling. Mac was sitting beside his bed. His body twitching erratically.

„Mac, wake up buddy, you have a nightmare." Jack tried to get the blondes attention. But Mac was too deep in his dream, he didn't react. His voice got louder. „Jack watch out!" And Jack knew right away what Mac was dreaming about. He had to bring him out of it. The Delta gathered all his strength and pushed into a sitting position. Whoa! I'm not gonna pass out, I'm not gonna pass out. Jack had to wait a minute until the room stopped spinning and he was sure he could move without throwing up or fainting.

„No!" Mac shouted. Jack gritted his teeth and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Mac sat just out of reach, but his desperate outburst and the tears running down his face gave Jack the kind of energy he needed to ignore the agony that awoke in his bruised knee.

„No, please no. Wake up Jack. You can't be dead. No, no, no, no," Mac started sobbing and finally Jack had managed to reach out and grab the blonds shoulder. The Delta sqeezed hard.

„Mac! Come on buddy, open your eyes. It's ok. I'm alive, it's just a nightmare. Mac, come on. Angus!" He added louder and Macs eyes snapped open, unfocused for a moment, but then he came back to reality, still breathing hard.

„It's ok hoss. Just a dream. Breath buddy, easy," Jack wiped away Macs tears with his thumbs. Both his hands holding Macs face and searching his eyes. They connected and Mac slumped forward into Jacks embrace. The Delta stroke Macs back until the blond had regained his composure. He sat back embarrassed by his behaviour, but the nightmare had him feeling raw and drained.

„I'm sorry, Iˋm sorry," he mumbled with his eyes downcast.

„T'was a bad one, huh?" Jack gently grabbed his chin and forced it up. „You have nothing to be sorry for. It was about my accident, wasn't it?"

Mac nodded and gulped. „We saw the footage on the traffic cam and we didn't know if you were alive at first. There was a group of juveniles coming up to you and we thought they were going to help you, but they robbed you and kicked you in the face."

„What? I hope Ri can find them. Are you ok now buddy?" All their problems were pushed to the backburner, Mac needed him and Jack would be there, as always.

The blond nodded and then his eyes widened in panic. „You're bleeding Jack!"

Jack looked at his arm and Mac was right, he had ripped his IV out in his haste to get to the blond.

„Didn't notice," he uttered, suddenly feeling all his pains now that Mac was awake. „Think, I'm gonna lay down, lend me a hand?" Jack started to sway and Mac felt guilty, that he was the cause for it.

„Hey none of that!" Jack said in a stern voice and continued at Macs „What?"

„You're doing it again. Stop feeling guilty. It's not your fault I'm lying here, hoss. I can hear your big brain coming up with all kinds of blame, so stop it." Jack said with a smirk.

„Shut up Jack. And it is my fault, my nightmare caused you to jump out of bed and wake me up," Mac disagreed and helped Jack getting settled back into the bed.

„Well since my accident was the cause for your nightmare it's technically my fault." The Delta disagreed.

Mac rolled his eyes and pushed the call button. Soon a nurse walked in and after scolding Jack for his carelessness put the IV back in.

„I wish Angela would be here." Jack sighed and Mac agreed. „She's great. Maybe we can talk her into joining Phoenix Medical."

Jack yawned and Mac decided to let his partner rest, before bringing up their conversation from the day before.

Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

AN:

So, here we are, finally the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who hung on for the ride. Seriously you guys are the best. So enjoy and maybe leave me a few words as you know that is what keeps me going.

Chapter 5

When Jack woke up it was dark outside. The light in the room was dimmed, but he saw that Mac was not sleeping. He was texting someone. The Delta closed his eyes. He knew he had to talk to Mac, but he wasn't quite ready yet. Jack had to sort his thoughts first, which wasn't an easy task considering his lingering headache.

They had been partners for nearly eight years now. Mac had matured a lot over the last years. Life had dealt him some heavy blows. His mother dying when Mac was little and his Dad leaving just a few years later. The betrayal of Nicky and Thornton, and the latest and lingering threat: Murdoc. It would have taken just one of these things to break a man, but Mac had come back stronger from every experience he had to endure. Nothing reminded Jack of the awkward, lanky kid, not even old enough to drink, he met back at the sandbox. Yes Mac had matured into an impressive personality.

Jack thought about Macs abandonement issues. The blond had learnt to keep his fear of being left hidden under his smile over the years. Was Jack wrong about that? Had his friend finally made peace with being abandoned at a young age. Was it only Jack who clung to Mac, not able to see that the kid had grown up and didn't need him anymore? Was it his own desire to keep Mac close to him that was blinding him to see the truth? Was Jack lying to himself, pretending Mac needed him to keep him safe? Well, time to be honest to yourself Dalton! He should probably thank Cage for giving him a reality check. How long had this been going on? Making a fool of himself, running after this young team like the old idiot that he was. Jack had never felt more unsure about himself, the doubt eating him alive. His thoughts were interrupted by his partners voice.

„Are you done with playing possum?" Mac asked. „Look at me Jack."

With a sigh the Delta opened his eyes, but remained silent. He shifted to get more comfortable and winced at the sharp pain in his knee and middle.

„How do you feel?" Mac asked softly. Jacks color was better, but the lines of pain were deep around his eyes.

„I'm good. I was just thinking." When Mac opened his mouth, he held up a hand.

„No Mac, let me have my say. This is tough for me and I only want to say this once. I heard what Cage said about me, the crazy uncle thing, and it hurt. It hurt a lot that Bozer agreed, but it hurt even more that you didn't interfere. But thinking everything over I probably deserve it. I got used to be your protector, your mentor, your friend and maybe a little bit of a father figure over the years. I got used to it so much I missed seeing the obvious. You matured, grew stronger and independent and I'm really proud of you. But that also means you have no use for a messed up old Delta guy like me any more. And it's ok Mac. I understand, I really do. This isn't your fault hoss, it's mine and I'm sorry for suffocating you with my behavior. But I need you to do one thing for me before I leave the team. You need someone to have your back when you risk that nogging of yours out in the field and I don't trust Cage. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I know someone who fits in as good as Cage does. Her name's Desi and she's badass. I trust her with your safety." Jack gulped and lost the fight against his tears as he closed. „If you could do this for me, I can be out of your hair by next week." These last words came out choked and Jack finally looked up to meet Macs glance.

The blond was horrified. Eyes wide and hands shaking he reached out and grabbed Jacks. „Oh my god, what have I done to you Jack? I don't even know where to begin. I'm so so sorry about what happened in that suite. I was annoyed at Cages comment, but I let it slide, because I didn't want to start a discussion while we were on a mission. I know now that this was wrong, I should have intervened immediately. You couldn't be more wrong about me not wanting you on the team any longer! Jack you are what keeps us all together. And it's not only your skill set I'm talking about. Bozer would be a mess out in the field without your calming presence. Riley has grown into a great agent under your training. And I am the one who needs you the most. I would simply be lost without you. I couldn't do my job without the knowledge that you are having my back. That you are willing to go along with my sometimes crazy schemes, because you simply trust me and don't question my decisions. You are willing to give everything, even your life to keep me safe and I don't want anyone else with me out there ever. And it's not only in the field, it's all the time, that you are there for me. I need you Jack and that's the truth, plain and simple. You catch me when I fall and you ground me when everything gets too much for me. I know we all tease you about your age a lot, but no one of us thinks of you as old. You're in a shape almost every twenty year old would get jealous about. I promise we'll treat you better, no one wanted to hurt you. Watching that accident in the war room … it was … for a moment … I thought I lost you and I'm probably a selfish bastard, but I thought what my life would be without you and there was only emptiness." Mac was crying too, but he was beyond caring. The only thing that mattered was that he made Jack understand how much he needed him.

Jack remained silent for a while. Was he dreaming? Was it really only a big misunderstanding? He had to make sure.

„So, you're really sure you want me still around?" The Delta asked hesitantly.

Mac watched him intently and sqeezed Jacks hand. He could see the doubt in his partners eyes and it weighed heavily on the blond, that he was the one who caused it.

„I am Jack. I'm so sorry for everything, I just hope you can forgive me some day. I didn't mean to hurt you and I get it if you don't trust me anymore. Maybe … I can earn it again …. You … Jack you mean the world to me. I love you big guy." He whispered afraid he had lost the best thing, that had ever happened to him for good.

Jack breathed relieved and Mac could see some of the tension leave his partner. „There's nothin to forgive hoss. Don't worry I didn't stop to trust you for a single moment, so we're good. And just for the record, I love you too. We would have talked things through as usual, but this damn accident messed everything up pretty bad." He smiled and Mac felt like he finally could breathe again.

„Yeah, that was bad timing. Leave it to you to get hit by the only car on the road." Mac teased, but watched Jacks face carefully.

Jack grinned. „As much as I was probably swaying it's a miracle that he actually got me."

Mac sobered immediately. „It was awful."

Jack nodded. „So, why didn't you sit with me in ICU? You were standing in front of that door the whole time, I thought you couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me."

Mac realized that this must have convinced Jack just more, that he was right with his assumption. He sighed. „No, that wasn't the reason. Do you remember when you woke up for the first time after the accident?" Mac wanted to know.

Jack frowned. „Everything is blurry, you were there and we talked I think … and then … nothing."

Mac shuddered at the memory. „Yeah, you got pretty upset and passed out. Your vitals sucked, but the doc could stabilize you. He ripped me a new one and banned me from your room. It was hell to stand there and see you suffer and not be able to be by your side. I understood the docs decision, but it was hard nevertheless. I didn't want to agitate you." He looked guilty.

„It was not your fault hoss, it was … just too much, I guess." Jack could only imagine how hard it must have been on Mac to stand at that door. „I'm sorry you weren't allowed in. Everytime I woke up and saw you standing there, I wished you were by my side."

Mac fidgeted. „Well, to be honest I was by your side partly. You had a nightmare and I went in to wake you up. Angela caught me and let me stay the rest of the night."

Jack smiled. „That woman is a saint. We should talk Matty into hiring her. You use your lost puppy look and I'm gonna play the sick card."

„Do that and you'll be assigned to the housekeeping crew once you're better Dalton. They always need someone to scrub the toilets." Mattys voice sounded from the door.

„Aw boss I was just joking." Jack tried to backpedal.

Matty smiled affectionately. „I know. You are sick Jack, you don't have to play. It's good to see this eyes open and alert again. You scared us." She stepped to the bed and sqeezed his hand for a moment.

„Thank you Mathilda. I'm sorry you had to watch the accident." Jack felt guilty for being responsible for the horrible experience his friends had to endure. He picked up where he had stopped.

„We need someone like Angela here. She's incredible. Bring her in and I promise Mac and I won't hide an injury anymore." Jack tried to convince her. „Only speak for yourself, Jack." Mac muttered beside him.

„I should let you beg a bit more, but since I'm happy to see you better, I'm gonna have a talk with her." Matty sat down and observed her two favourite agents. Both had obviously been crying but she could also see their relaxed postures. „Everything's alright again in the Mac-Dalton-Universe?" She asked with a wink.

Both men nodded and yawned almost simultaneously. Matty laughed and said. „Go to sleep, both of you." She motioned to the unused bed in the room. „Doc Ward said you should lay down in that one, as you'll refuse to go home and rest anyway."

Matty turned and left the room.

Mac opened his mouth, but Jack beat him. „Don't argue about it Mac. You haven't slept in what 40 hours or so. Just lay down and rest. I don't have the energy to worry about you right now."

The blond nodded. He knew his partner worried about him all the time. And if laying down in that damn hospital bed put Jacks mind at ease, he would do it gladly. If Mac was honest he was about to drop anyway. So he got up and kicked off his shoes and settled into the bed. Laying down felt great and he knew he wouldn't be awake much longer. Mac glanced at his partner who watched him fondly. The Delta said. „Go to sleep, Mac. I'm here when you wake up."

„You're an idiot, Jack." The blond mumbled while his eyes drifted shut.

„Yeah, I love you too buddy," Jack smiled and let sleep pull him under.

When Jack woke up he felt somebody was holding his hand. „Riley, sweetheart good to see you."

„Jack, I'm so happy, that you're better now. How do you feel?" The hacker asked and watched him closely.

„Like I got hit by a car. That sucks big time honey, but with a little bit of rest I'm gonna be good as new in no time." Jack tried to soothe her, but wasn't very successful if her serious expression was an indication.

„We almost lost you. I feel sick every time I watch this damn video." Too late she recognized her mistake.

„What do you mean every time? Oh sweetheart, why are you doing this to yourself?" Jack asked worried.

Riley admitted. „Finding out who hit you wasn't a problem, because of the license plate. The police already booked him. But I had to get these assholes, who robbed and kicked you, too. So watched it over and over again until I found a clue."

Jacks heart swelled with pride. „You didn't have to do that, but thank you precious. So, I take it you got them too."

Riley grinned. „Yeah, they were holing up in an abandoned building. Doing drugs and all kind of shit their parents didn't know about. Matty was so furious she sent one of the tac teams after them. They scared them pretty good, three of them peed their pants. Don't worry our guys didn't harm them, they're still kids. They took them home to their parents and I don't think they'll do something like that ever again." She handed Jack his wallet.

„Thanks Ri, what would I do without you?"

A shadow crossed the hackers face. „We don't deserve you Jack. You're always taking care of all of us and all we do is tease you about your age. Mac told us that you heard what Cage said." Riley looked away, shame and guilt marring her beautiyful features. She straigtened and found Jacks eyes again. „I'm sorry Jack for not stepping up for you. I'm ashamed of myself and I promise you it won't happen ever again. No more teasing either."

Jack shook his head. „I cleared it up with Mac. I'm honest it hurt me, but only because I love you all so much. But now that I know you still want me around, I'm good. I don't mind the teasing Ri. We need it to ease the tension and keep up the spirit, it just got me on the wrong foot. I don't want it to change and I don't mind you call me an old man, as long as I know you really don't mean it."

„No, not at all Jack. I'm still not able to outrun you and that bothers me." She smiled and motioned to Mac.

„I'm glad you two made up. It tore him apart, when the doc kicked him out of your room."

Jack watched his still sleeping partner for a moment. „Yeah, I think we all could have done without that experience, but we didn't have a choice, did we?"

„You're right, but I think it showed Cage what our team, our family is all about. She simply didn't understand how strong our bond is and how we depend on each other. Mac and I made her realize how wrong she was." Riley explained.

„I think Cage has a long way ahead of her if she really wants to be a part of our wolf pack. She has to let go of her clinical approach and she has to open up about herself. This is a two way thing. I like her don't get me wrong, but she hasn't earned my trust so far." Jack was honest.

Riley nodded. „You're right. Maybe this was a step in the right direction."

A yawn from the other bed got their attention. Riley spluttered. „Oh my god he looks like a golden retriever puppy."

„I've heard that Ri," two blue eyes looked at her accusingly.

„Yeah, a golden retriever with a bad hair day." Jack threw in.

„At least I got enough hair to have a bad hair day." Mac got right back.

„I think I'll leave you two to your bickering." Riley kissed Jack and left.

The door opened and a familiar voice sounded. „I see that Matty didn't exaggerate when she said things were handled a little differently here at Phoenix." Angela held a tray with Jacks breakfast. She smiled. „You improved Mac. From standing outside the room to sleeping in a bed right next to your partner, without being sick, I have to say I'm impressed."

Mac blushed and immediately jumped out of the bed. „Doc Ward said I should lay down here," he defended himself.

Angela grinned. „I've already met him. He's great and knows his favourite patients inside out. Relax Mac, I'm glad you both are ok. You've obviously solved your problem." She stated.

„So Matty hired you? That's great." Jack beamed.

Mac shuffled into the bathroom and Angela turned to Jack. She checked his wound and his IV. „It was a misunderstanding, a bad one. I'm happy everything's alright now. I was afraid I had lost him." Jack told the nurse.

„He had the same fears Jack. Although you were unconscious I could sense that you shared a strong bond. The way he cared for you, when you had a nightmare, this was something I've never witnessed before. What you have is precious, it's special."

Jack nodded. „Mac is special, in the best way. You won't find anybody who's kinder than him. He's selfless, too selfless most of the time, he has no sense for self preservation. It gets him in trouble all the time and I'm the one who's making sure he doesn't get killed doing his thing out in the field."

„Sounds as if you are great partners, but you are doing a dangerous job, aren't you?" Angela wanted to know.

„We save a lot of people, stop a lot of bad guys. But this comes at a price. I have to admit, we're regular guests here at Medical." Jack explained.

„Well then I'll do anything to make sure you're able to keep doing it." Angela promised.

„Deal."

Later that morning Mac and Jack were playing cards when Cage walked in. There was an awkward pause before she started talking.

„I'm really happy that you're better Jack." She said and sounded serious. Jack nodded and waited for her to continue. „I'm here to say goodbye. I'm going back to Australia. I have an offer to work in a new agency there. It's near Perth where my family lives. I haven't had much contact to them over the last years, but you've got me thinking. I have an apology to make. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble and heartache, I really didn't mean to hurt anybody, least of all you Jack. Honestly I didn't know what to think of that team at first. Come on, a nerd, a guy turned spy only by accident, a hacker who came here right out of prison and an ex Delta with a Bruce Willis obsession. What was I supposed to think?"

Jack had to smile, Cage had a point. They were a strange bunch of people.

„I tried to analyze, get into your heads. I was profiling the team, its dynamic like I would a group of criminals. That was wrong and I'm really sorry for that. I didn't mean no harm. I got used to working alone over the years that I forgot how it felt to have a team back you up. The safety net people, who are caring about you, provides. Mac and Riley made me see what I overlooked the whole time. That a team can be a family too. That it doesn't make you weak if you care about your colleagues, no it makes the team better and stronger. Thank you for teaching me that lesson. It made me think about my family back in Australia and I decided that I should reach out to them. Well, what can I say, it was amazing. So I'm going back." Cage smiled and to Jack it seemed it was the first honest emotion she showed.

Jack reached out his hand. „That's great Cage. Family is everything. And if you ever need somebody to back you up, just give me a call."

„Thanks Jack, that means a lot to me." She turned to Mac and gave him a quick hug. „Thanks Mac for setting me straight, you did me a favour."

Mac blushed and said. „If you ever come back to LA pay us a visit."

Two weeks later the team had met at a bar to have a good time. Well, to be honest Mac tried to cook for Jack, while Bozer was away for a training and the living room still smelled like campfire.

Jack was the last to sit down. He was much better, but he still had to use a cane because of his bad knee. Riley had gotten him a real bad ass one with a skull on top, so he was almost proud to use it. They were back to their usual teasing and the family was whole again.

„So what are you drinking old man?" Riley asked.

„Oh, I already ordered the first round at the bar. It's on me," the Delta said with a broad grin.

„Really. That's generous Jack, you didn't have to do it." Bozer commented.

„Believe me I had to, Boze." Jack smiled.

The waitress came and set down a glas of beer in front of Matty and Jack. Mac, Riley and Bozer stared with wide eyes at the glas of milk, that they got served.

„Cheers babies!" Jack guffawed.

Yup, everything was right again in the Mac-Dalton-Universe!

The End

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Everbody voted for Angela, so she will join the Phoenix team from now on. As you know me, she will probably have her hands full.


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